Helping my son get ‘organized’ for another year of University I found myself needing to re-read this blog post I wrote a year ago … perhaps someone else may find it a helpful reminder.
The act of parenting, in simple terms, is everything concerned with the rearing of children. And one dictionary definition of a child is “a person between birth and full growth”. So after getting through those terrible teens the challenge seems to lie in determining when a child is ‘fully grown’.
This important ‘fully grown’ milestone can be measured in different ways. Is it when they graduate, leave home or get married? The facts are that a child’s personality is mostly formed by the age of 12, at 18 they can vote and fight for their country, between 19 and 21 they can legally drink and at 25 the auto insurance risk is reduced. In general, it seems that society deems people reach adulthood in their early 20’s.
Two great things you can give your children: one is roots, the other is wings. Hodding Carter
When each of my sons hit their early 20’s and left home, I felt uncomfortable with what my role as their Mother would be. I found it really difficult to know when to stand by and watch some disasters unfold and when to swoop in and help out. Over time, I have found it healthier to let them make their own decisions and have learned to stay in the background.
I am not going to lie, coping with the unknown, being in the background, is extremely difficult for me. I am by nature, a fierce Mama Bear. But the only actions that have consistently worked are in-actions; lighting a candle, asking my angels to watch over them, confidently expecting that all will be well. For me it has taken a lot of courage to listen and ask questions instead of diving into tell and take over mode. Basically I have learned to let them live their own life and have accepted the fact that my role as an active parent is now complete.
Accepting the end of my active parenting days has been bitter-sweet. The phrase ‘biodegradability of parenthood’ aptly describes the process. Over time, the role as a parent continually diminishes and blends into the landscape. But the heart knows, that the essence of the love and caring will always be there, and will continue to provide nourishment for our children’s lives.
Any other words of wisdom?