Recently, I drove from London to Ottawa to visit my youngest son, Brock. He is in his second year at Carleton University, and is struggling to discover his true “major”. He is enrolled part-time and works part-time. As a single parent, we have the agreement that I cover tuition, and he works to pay his living expenses. I?am proud that he has held his own so far, but I am concerned that he may abandon his search for his true calling – that he might not strive for the success that I know he can achieve.
Parenting is challenging. Parenting from afar is especially tricky with a 19 year-old, six-foot-three, almost-adult. Phone calls and text messaging keep us connected, but my intuition told me that it was time to “see” what was really going on. So, I packed my skates, some groceries, and a slow cooker into the car and made the seven hour journey with the hope that some home cooking and fresh air would encourage a laid-back chat. I was hoping to discover what was truly simmering inside my young man.
In truth, I was hoping that we could share some simple gifts. I hoped that our comfort with one another would allow respectful dialogue and the opportunity to be open and vulnerable with each other. I hoped too, that we could simply have fun being together. My weekend visit showed me that ordinary activities like skating, cooking chilli and going to the movies are wonderful opportunities to just “be” together and to let our hearts connect. These are the simplest of gifts between mother and son.
It was surprising how everyday activities like grocery shopping and laundry actually became fun – not at all like chores. Cooking favourite comfort foods like blueberry pancakes created a loving and safe environment, and walking downtown allowed us to talk easily about life, dreams and of course sports.
At Brock’s suggestion, we went to see the fabulous movie “The Kings Speech”. Over big steaming bowls of chilli, courtesy of the slow cooker, we had an invigorating conversation about the movie which extended into current affairs. I found that Brock had matured into a very fine young man.
My favourite memory of this trip was skating on the Rideau Canal. Neither Brock nor I are very good skaters. The last time that I was on skates, I ended up in a sling for 6 weeks, and Brock had skated only twice before. So, we awkwardly laced up and bravely set off from Dow’s Lake down the canal. The ice was only in fair shape, yet we had such a great time.
On the canal, the air was so fresh. The snow fell gently. Everyone around us seemed so happy and friendly. And while skating was physically difficult for me, it added another layer of peacefulness to my spirit. Being outside, laughing, falling, talking about everything – it left our feet sore, our bums bruised and our hearts happy. I felt a natural re-connection to my son, and I knew that not only would he be okay, but that “we” were also good.
Brock’s university “major” issue wasn’t resolved, but that didn’t matter – our hearts reconnected and we strengthened our lines of communication. Through the relaxed and comfortable time together we simply let life happen with hearty food, fresh air, no agendas, and spontaneity. I realized how important it is to share the simple gifts.